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JJ's Story

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This story was posted here on HopeMommies.org My husband, Josh, and I started trying to get pregnant in January of 2017, and it took us almost two years to get pregnant with our first baby. We found out at 12 weeks that our sweet baby girl didn’t have a heartbeat anymore. We were completely devastated. While attempting to heal from our first loss, we decided to start trying again right away because we didn’t know if it would take a while again. To our great surprise and delight, I was pregnant again after our first month of trying.  The first 34 weeks of pregnancy were so smooth. My husband is the youth pastor at our church, and we felt the Lord telling us early on to be very open with the church through our journey to parenting. They were with us through infertility and miscarriage, and now our whole church was rejoicing with us at the news of our pregnancy. I had the most beautiful baby shower, decorated the cutest nursery, and took maternity photos to document my bump....
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Here's my heart... Part 2

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As the ball dropped to close out 2018 and usher in a new year, I stood in a room full of people with my face buried in my husband’s chest sobbing tears that had been triggered by the tiniest detail…. The glass of champagne in my hand was supposed to be Martinelli’s. I wasn’t supposed to be able to drink champagne. Somehow, that glass of champagne flooded me with the memory from December 7, just a few weeks earlier. In a matter of seconds on that day, 2018 turned from the best year ever to the worst.  As you know from my previous blog post, “Here it is…. My heart,” God spent the very beginning of 2018 asking me on a boat on the Sea of Galilee if I wanted my best for us or His best for us. Upon responding that I wanted His best for us, He spent the rest of 2018 reshaping my definition of good to be more aligned with His definition of good. He continuously showed me how to trust that his definition of good was infinitely better than mine. I know he did some seriously trans...
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Here it is, my heart...

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One of my very favorite passages of scripture is Isaiah 43 . It's a really beautiful passage talking about how the Lord is with us through everything. I flipped to it in my bible the other day and found a question that I had written on a sticky note and put near the passage that just said "What does it mean to trust God?" Doing the math, I must have written that note about two years ago. I grew up in church. I knew I was supposed to trust God and I knew he was my savior, but what did trusting God REALLY mean? How was that supposed to manifest itself in my life?   Little did I know, that God was about to answer that question in a big way.  There has never been a time in my life where I did not want kids. I had so many dolls as a child and constantly practiced being "mommy."  I remember when my first nephew, Sam, was born. Suddenly, there was a kid that I was related to and I just could not get enough of him. Seeing him figure out the world and learn the Truth...
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Don't Write About It...

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"Your  steadfast   love , O  Lord , extends to the heavens, your faithfulness to the clouds." Psalm 36:5 This is a funny subject to write about because its all about "not writing about it." Last night, my husband had just left to go play basketball and I was finishing up the dishes and getting ready for a couple hours to sit and read my book. As I'm finishing the dishes, my phone rings and its Josh telling me to go look outside.  Anyone who knows me well, knows about my obsession with pink clouds. I see them as a love letter from God to me. It's God using his creation to wow me, to remind me that I am His and He loves me and He has it all under control.  I walked out to the back porch and this is what i saw.... It was incredible. This picture doesn't even do justice to the beauty that was out there. And that's what frustrated me... I spent a good ten minutes out there trying to get a picture of it that captured the beauty. I realized that I...
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You haven't see anything yet!

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" When Jesus saw Nathanael approaching, he said of him,   “Here truly is an Israelite  in whom there is no deceit.” “How do you know me?” Nathanael asked. Jesus answered,   “I saw you while you were still under the fig tree before Philip called you." Then Nathanael declared, “Rabbi,  you are the Son of God;  you are the king of Israel.” Jesus said,  ' You believe because I told you I saw you under the fig tree. You will see greater things than that.'   51  He then added,  'Very truly I tell you,   you will see heaven open,  and the angels of God ascending and descending  on the Son of Man.'" John 1:47-51 In Jesus's first days of his ministry, he began to call his disciples. I'm always amazed by their ability to just get up and follow, leaving everything behind. That is something I strive for and often fail at.  When it came to Nathanael, Jesus let him know that he saw him earlier sitting under a fig...
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